As much as I would like to fool myself and claim to have no true connections to technology, I am guilty of spending countless hours of wasted time on the internet and on my phone. Every few hours- at the minimum, I must “check in” to my email, research something on Google, or read the juiciest Hollywood gossip. In a way, this habit reminds of when I was a smoker. Every 1 ½ to 3 hours, I submitted myself to just one more drag off a cheap Dorel cigarette. With great anticipation, I called on my “posse” of smoking friends and co-workers to join me outside for a break. It was soothing as we smoked and talked. Then, within a few moments, guilt overwhelmed me. I wanted to get a grip on my habit. Maybe if I just reduced the number of cigarettes I smoked, I could fool myself, have a little pleasure without becoming totally immersed in nicotine addiction. This never worked for me. After several failed attempts, I finally quit for my family.
Now I have the same guilt about what I believe is technology addiction. I’m addicted to the internet, my email, and my smartphone. If I’m out with my family, I have got to document for the world to see at some point, so I use my phone to capture the moment. Something in my mind felt awkward about this new socially-acceptable behavior. When did “having fun” become such a novelty? Granted, I only have one social media account for which I use to keep up with my children’s online presence. It has been a year since I posted a photo.
I became disenamoured with Facebook a few years ago when I started seeing a predictable pattern in the posts of my friends. Sure, it seemed nice to reconnect with people I haven’t seen in over twenty years, and it was entertaining to see their photos, read their quips, and “like” their strongly-worded opinions. It felt like high school again, in the virtual world. The “popular” kids at one table, the misfits somewhere else, and the people that didn’t really subscribe to any particular subset or clique. Regardless of my feelings, it seemed easy for me to become addicted to Facebook. After a few years, I consciously chose to ignore the “fear of missing out” syndrome and I finally deactivated and deleted my Facebook data.
When I needed help in conquering past issues, I prayed. I failed several times even as I was in the midst of fighting my issues. Often, it was years before I saw anything positive as a result of fighting a battle for my mind. I have battled emotional eating, caffeine addiction, smoking, and drinking. Of those habits, I have overcome two. The caffeine use has increased, possibly to replace the need to smoke, drink or eat. A few years ago, I dropped nearly twenty pounds, only to pack it on again. Somehow I can’t discipline myself to drink more water, which would help curb my appetite.
Quite possibly, I can’t connect to the real world, as a result of technology, or perhaps, because I can’t connect to the real world, I turn to my laptop and phone.