Sketching on Sunday

Sketching on Sunday

“I draw like other people bite their nails.”Pablo Picasso

As children, our parents and teachers often directed us to draw pictures, possibly because they understood that our ability to express our emotions through our vocabulary was limited. My childhood is laden with memories of Crayola crayons. It was a special gift to have your parents present you with the deluxe box, which not only featured a vast array of colors, but also the handy, built-in sharpener!

For most of us, we lose the desire to draw when we’ve become adults.

“Drawing is putting a line (a)round an idea.”Henri Matisse

At the heart of most ideas and concepts is a drawing, no matter how rudimentary it may appear. Those who work in marketing and advertising start off their ideas with storyboards because pictures help define ideas. In some ways, I don’t really care about how appealing my drawings are to others. I am more concerned about documenting and expressing a thought or emotion. Once I’ve finished a picture, I feel relieved and inspired to write.

What is it about drawing that makes me feel so much better? Perhaps, it’s quiet, focused, and meditative rhythm of the drawing process. It’s a sense of mastery, to some extent, although the drawings themselves aren’t “masterpieces.” By my standards, I have mastered a creation and a story. I suppose there is always the hope that I will one day get a chance to publish my work, though I fully understand how rigorous the guidelines are to have artwork licensed.

In an article, “DRAW YOUR STRESS OUT With a pencil & brush” by Anna Willieme, the author, artist, and lecturer points out how drawing allows us the opportunity to discover the source of our stress.

“Visual expression can help us get past our inner censor, less active in image-making than in language, and connect with parts of ourselves that may have been blocked off. Working visually, we can access our unconscious with greater ease, where we can find out more about our true selves.”

Making art is a process and that is truly the reason I ignore my sketchbook. I’d rather binge-watch “The Office” or drink a pot of coffee when I want to do nothing at all. Allowing myself to sit around and be a consumer, instead of making good use of gift bestowed upon humanity- to be creators, lends itself to further depression and anxiety. Whereas, if I was to overcome my passivity, I’d be less depressed and anxious. Furthermore, instead of worrying about creating so-called masterpieces, it is very beneficial to one’s well-being to draw something, start somewhere. In this regard, we may be able to look beneath the surface of our subconscious mind.

Think of drawing as meditation for your mind and yoga for your muscles. Once you pick up the sketchbook, you may already have an idea of what you want to draw.

Today, my mind was busy thinking about the looming work-week, traffic, bills, shopping, kids, health, and moods. I’m always guided to draw something pertaining to well-being, mental health, body image, etc. (predominantly, issues many woman mull over). I was somewhat disappointed in what I created- I really wanted to capture a broader range of thoughts and feelings, so I crammed them all in the thought bubbles. If I think about it, there are many more thoughts and worries that I could’ve included!

Sources

  1. How Art and Drawing Can Combat Stress. (2016, June 14). Retrieved from https://www.alive.com/lifestyle/draw-your-stress-out/

The Significance of Purging Material and Mental Clutter

Compulsive decluttering or just a simple distraction to stave off anxiety? Whatever the case, I’m right on track again! Just as with any other time I get exhausted, sick, or overwhelmed, I resort to decluttering my house. This time, it was somewhat benign, as the stuff I got rid of was outgrown clothing and Halloween decorations stashed in the basement.

But, first, a little backstory- yesterday, I drove all the gas out of my car to meet somebody who was sleeping off a hangover. I caught a cold while walking around yesterday, breathing in pollen at the park. And, of course, I’m run-down, tired and angry. It’s Mother’s Day again, and I haven’t spoken to my mother in 10 years. In her mind, throwing out assorted ink pens is more important than a person’s livelihood. There is much I don’t want to discuss my family, but we have differing perspectives on certain issues.

This is the second time in a month that I’ve been sick with a cold or allergies. And I’m dreading going to work this week because when one of the team members in the quality department goes on vacation, I have to fill in. In fact, before my co-worker left for her vacation, she ambushed me to ask me to work this past Saturday. When I said I wasn’t able, she took another jab, guilt-tripped me, and now I’m saddled into working next Saturday!

I get depressed when I’m sick, and I start ruminating. Today I was thinking about how little regard my family has given me and my kids. It usually doesn’t bother me, until I get around “normal” people, enjoying time with extended family members. Maybe I am being unrealistic. Perhaps what I see in an hour of time with others isn’t enough time to truly define how other families function.

When I decided to declutter, I started off with my daughter’s box of clothes from the basement. I told her that I wanted to only keep a few bulky winter garments downstairs. Whatever else that can’t fit upstairs, she has to choose what to donate. Many of the clothes seemed fine, but she had minor complaints about each item she didn’t want.

My son’s box was easy to empty because he outgrew several pairs of shorts. What else was there to go through but the Halloween box? I dumped it out and looked over the plastic mice and bats. I remembered the ugly, heavy-duty extension cords I bought only two years ago to use for lights. For all the work I did putting up the lights, it didn’t look as good as my neighbor’s lighting.

Halloween Clutter

There was some shiny, purple garland that was starting to fall apart. When I saw the gaudy, felt decorations, I was reminded about primary-school artwork. All of these items, I thought I was justified when purchasing because they didn’t contain witches or vampires- nothing more than smiling pumpkins and kitty-cats. I just know that this Halloween, my son will be angry that I got rid of the decorations. He likes to dress up and hand out candy on our decorated porch.

After decluttering, I marveled at how clean and organized the basement looked. I have to obtain the strength to not buy more stuff next year to appease anybody else’s values. I need to take a closer look at what I will do to cope when I have no possessions to donate. Maybe I can get out in nature- away from clutter and needless spending.

 

 

A Simple Prayer Made Me More Resilient Today

A Simple Prayer Made Me More Resilient Today

Wednesdays are full of hope for many people and no matter how depressed I feel, I am filled with optimism. What does Wednesday really signify?

  • I only have to get up early for two more days.
  • Soon, I can be at home with my family.
  • It means I can get caught up on laundry, cleaning, and shopping (oh, joy!).

It all sounds so exciting, I know. Maybe I will find something good to watch on Netflix.

Maybe I will devise another book idea, or get my hopes up about writing for a living.

Today, as sweat poured down my arms, I waited for my break so I could get a drink of water. Never in my life have I wanted a drink of water more than the last two hours of the workday! I felt my heart racing earlier today. My speech was rapid as I voiced my dismay over the quality expectations. Thirty-second cycle times again on the machine. Too much intricate trimming and assembly required for that span of time. The quality auditors were relentless. I bit my tongue and decided to pretend I was trimming everything indicated by the sample parts. The quality auditors were none-the-wiser.

Landscape photo of a factory.

My last break was due at about 1:30 pm. However, another worker took the liberty to ask to have her break first, even though it had been a long span of time for me in between the breaks. When other people decide things that involve you, without including you in the decision-making process- and you too are gasping and parched from a dry mouth, it can be irritating.

I’m sure the other worker didn’t mean any harm towards me. I told the girl that gives breaks that I was really looking forward to my break on time because I was thirsty. Then, I said I would have liked to sit for a few minutes when I started getting palpitations. I kind of just wanted to make her aware that sometimes people have medical issues that require timely breaks. I don’t know if she really cared. She looked very tired too.

I told myself that my co-workers are important to me too. Clearly, I was only considering my own thirst and need for rest. At my machine, in between the monotony of trimming, assembling, folding, and taping, I didn’t want to offend anybody. I just wanted to be considered instead of excluded or overlooked.

Sometimes, we get excluded and overlooked in life. There is a time to ask whether or not it was done intentionally. We all just happened to need a break at the same time, and one person was more vocal about her needs.

I suppose this most the most significant event of the day because it’s the focus of my writing.

It’s not up to me to decide who goes first, or if it’s even fair. In the workplace, I’m just a number.

A figure wearing a baseball hat with the words,

Then I realized something very important! At my morning break, I prayed for endurance and for my co-workers. That prayer must have have been answered today, just not the way I expected. I was given the stamina to ride out the long afternoon. My co-worker got her need for rest and hydration met when she needed it most!

Often I overlook God. I think that because I have such a menial job, He has more important things to care about other than me. While that is true- He has many important people and needs to consider, it doesn’t mean I rank any less in His realm.

Wednesdays somehow make it all better. For me, that place will be far from my mind- at least for a few days.

Woman sitting behind green bars, smiling innocently.

Simple Ways to Manage Anxiety and Depression

“Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.” -Bo Burnham

The most helpful part of managing my mood disorder is the fact that my moods are fairly predictable. In more severe cases, it is much more difficult to manage, at least not without the help of doctors. I’ve battled these moods since I was a teenager.

I’m almost certain, however, that I experienced strange things when I was younger. These things I’m talking about are the symptoms one sees when they have experienced trauma. Dissociation, depersonalization, and even involuntary, but subtle, nervous ticks.

So, I’ve battled these moods for many years- anxiety, depression, GAD, OCD. I am familiar with the alphabet soup of mental illness- although, that doesn’t qualify me to dispense medical advice. It simply means, my conditions are much more manageable, so manageable now that I can tell the psychiatrist I don’t want to take the Lamictal or any other drug.

And, I’ve spent so many years on the prescription-drug rollercoaster, to no avail. Well, that’s not entirely true- Prozac wasn’t too bad, except for the occasional electrical surge. Lexapro wasn’t so bad, either. Definitely a pass on Paxil, Buspar, and Serzone.

You might be able to pick up on the fact that I haven’t written regularly for the past few weeks. Today I began to see an improvement in my mood. Soon I will be scribbling away, hopefully finishing some artwork. Now that I am feeling better, I wish to share some simple things that help me feel “at peace.”

Thrive Mindful- Ways To Feel “At Peace”

Shop when the stores are empty.

Get a haircut.

Study a free online course through Coursera.

Play board games with family.

Prank-call a family member.

Play a musical instrument.

Enjoy an open-air, free concert.

Organize photos.

Visit the library.

Ride a bike.

Adopt an animal from a shelter.

Call a long-lost family member.

Wash the car.

Donate unwanted clothes to charity.

Do some yard work.

Explore other WordPress blogs.

Read a good book.

Write a poem.

Organize computer files.

Go for a car ride at dusk.

Watch the sunrise.

Make a list of goals.

Write down 3 things you enjoyed when you were ages 9-12.

Do a free, online personality assessment.

Draw (or doodle) some pictures for your poetry.

Draw a self-portrait.

Rearrange living room furniture.

Invite the opinions of others on topics with universal appeal (i.e, favorites lists of anything)- Promotes diversity and fresh ideas!

Take the family or a friend out to lunch.

Watch a band at the coffee shop.

Schedule a yearly health exam.

Play tennis with some family or friends.

Mental Health Communities And Forums

Finding relevant information and maintaining privacy are key issues for individuals suffering from mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. I’ve included some resources that may be helpful for questions and answers.

www.uncommonforums.com: Topics include psychology, depression, anger management, addictions, eating disorders, and anxiety/panic attacks.

www.dailystrength.com: Online support groups for anxiety, addiction/recovery, mental health, men’s health, women’s health, teens, children’s health/parenting and many other health issues in general.

www.sane.org: An Australian mental health website that includes a well-organized forum area. The aesthetic appeal and non-spammy feel make the website worthwhile.

www.beatingthebeast.com: “Beating The Beast” touts itself as an online depression support community, but I’ve discovered useful advice on anxiety disorders, as well as bipolar and other mental health issues.

If you were to write a list of things that make you feel happy or relaxed, what would it include? Is there a pattern in your list?

My list includes a little socializing, some solitude, and purging of unused things that others might want to use. Note that much of my joy comes from reading, writing, and drawing.

No matter how depressed or anxious I become, I try to make an effort to pursue my faith (reading the Bible, watching or reading content online about my faith). One key difference between how I handle my moods now, as opposed to when I was younger, is the fact that I pursue my spirituality. Even when I feel I’ve lost hope or control, there is always something more that governs life and the world around me.

A woman sits on top of a on a white sedan.

How Bipolar Can Trigger Other Disorders

Obsessive behavior is one intrinsic element of mania/hypomania in bipolar disorder. The brain is “rewarded” somehow by this behavior, just as an addict’s brain is dysfunctionally rewarded by another hit. Part of recovery is learning how to replace the dysfunctional behavior with an acceptable behavior/reward. Along the way, when I have not been mindful of either my disorder (which has vast complexities) or the nuances of the new “reward”.

All of the various components of this disorder feel untamed during the elevated periods (mania/hypomania). As a creator (all of humanity can identify with the desire to create to some extent), I love the rush I experience from the flight of ideas bipolar disorder bestows upon me!

Obsessive thoughts about clutter do not emerge from a physical craving, but rather a psychological craving. Becoming mindful of the psychological craving that occurs with my obsessive thoughts have helped me to remedy my mindless thought patterns in regards to decluttering. Not all decluttering is “mindless”, however. If I am disturbed by my actions, and I keep re-purchasing the items I have discarded, decluttering in this manner is disordered.

The periods of my “lows”- the depression stage of bipolar disorder- feel like, for lack of a better word, a funeral. I feel like life is dwindling. The melancholy that always follows or precedes my bipolar disorder ushers in feelings of despair, hopelessness. I fail to plan at this point when I am not able to concentrate on the future because I effectively see the future. The moods are always fluctuating. The best I can sometimes hope for is the knowledge that the mania will manifest, and I will be happy once again.

The obsessive behaviors I have experienced along the way include: spending countless hours on the internet piecing together my heritage. In retrospect, this perplexes me since I am isolated from most of my extended family. I have become engulfed in various ideas: the idea of changing careers when I do not have the means or aptitude to pursue continuing my education. I spend money on things that I end up throwing away. For instance, I decide I will start doing handiwork in my house, so I purchase a few tools or accessories. A month later, I become discouraged and the thought of a project or unfinished idea occupying my mental space is unsettling, so I donate or discard the items.

I may decide occasional doodling is not enough, I need to start a business or design a shirt. Soon I learn that there is much more involved at such notions and I abandon my idea, at least for a brief time. Something along the way triggers the desire to create, and in a healthy scenario, I am able to pick up a drawing pad and simply relax, nothing more. Writing has mostly satisfied my desire to express myself without having to spend money on a creative pursuit (which oftentimes leads me to purge items). I find myself “purging” my stories and poems, then regretting my decision to discard.

I was once obsessed with finding a poem I wrote several years ago. It was submitted to a poetry website, circa 1999, and was supposedly published in a poetry book. I have gone to great lengths to contact the Library of Congress and any publisher affiliated with the defunct website. I am embarrassed at the amount of time I dedicated to that vain pursuit of locating the book.

Although I am satisfied with using writing as a coping mechanism, I am unhappy with the times I demonstrate mindless behavior. My spiritual side needs to be nurtured and this is the most integral part of anybody’s journey.

 

white surfboard beside white wall white wooden cube bookshelf inside the room

How Simplicity and Mindful Living Can Spark Joy

Recently, I watched the Netflix series, “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” and I also purchased her book, “Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class on the Art of Organizing and Tidying Up.” This book is the companion to Marie’s #1 New York Times best-selling, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.”

The substance and design of her best-selling book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” appealed to me more than the companion book. Nevertheless, I still value the concepts presented by Marie Kondo, and I will spend time reading everything she espouses. Each chapter is filled with clarity and mindfulness. For instance, tidying experts advise keeping some items in a “grey zone.” This grey zone signifies that you have a degree of uncertainty on the value of the item. Keep it there for 3 months. If after that time, you have no use for it, you may discard it.

Marie tried this method but had little success. The guilt of getting rids of items just because they didn’t make her happy in the allotted time frame, was something she wanted to change. “There are only two choices: keep it or chuck it. And if you’re going to keep it, make sure you take care of it,” responds Kondo.

I believe it’s logical to place things in a “grey zone” (Ms. Kondo refers to this grey zone as a “detention” zone). I never put sentimental items in a grey zone- only things that have utility. I use 3 clear plastic boxes that store under my bed or can fit on top of my closet shelf (and I often shuffle where I place the plastic boxes, depending on if I have been recently sorting the contents).

Items of Sentimental Value (Children’s Things)

  • Box 1- (Flat mementos) school projects and artwork, report cards, and award certificates.
  • Box 2- (Flat, oversized artwork) Flat artwork that is larger than 8.5” x 11” (usually 11” x 17”).
  • Box 3- (Dimensional) Bulky, odd-shaped and dimensional mementos. In this box, I have an odd assortment of hand-made pasta bracelets, origami sculptures, magnets adorned with sequins, and a few baby teeth. I also have newspaper clippings in this box because they don’t go in Box 1.

I struggled with getting rid of some of my children’s projects, especially ones that won awards at the fair. My son was very proud of his 8th-grade lamp project, so that made the cut. My daughter made some figures out of coffee cans that a folk-art vibe. I had painted some of the cans to get her started. The ones I made were discarded because hers hold more value. Mine was simply used to guide her. She was proud of her final creations. I was disappointed in how weird my coffee can sculpture looked! It was not my project anyway, so they lacked value.

When I organize mindfully, there is less guilt.

Although my methods are somewhat different from Marie Kondo’s, I find dignity and clarity in how she organizes.

By contrast,  I have often purged things as a means to an end- that end being an end to my anxiety. Decluttering or purging out of compulsion or anxiety never leaves me refreshed. I enjoy discovering the mindful and meditative ways in which others handle material things.

“The challenge is coming to grips with the fact that, often times, material things have an emotional connection and attachment.”http://www.thrive-mindful.blog

Be healthy. Train yourself how to handle emotional attachments. Detach from unhealthy “things”. Not all outwardly-beautiful things have a need in our homes or lives. Sometimes they are just taking away mental energy that could be used for utilitarian purposes. And other times, they are benign and serve only to be admired by the world.

Assorted wall decor with an organic theme.

Decorative items, although not particularly useful, serve to define the style and set the tone for the things valued by an individual.

What is YOUR personal style? Do you crave utility and function, with a little bit of glamour? Or do you see your living space as something to be used to impress others? Maybe right now, your desires have little control over how your home appears. Whatever style you embrace, whatever you determine sparks joy, just be thoughtful. Give careful thought to the value and placement of the things in your home AND your life.