Sketching on Sunday

Sketching on Sunday

 

“I draw like other people bite their nails.”Pablo Picasso

As children, our parents and teachers often directed us to draw pictures, possibly because they understood that our ability to express our emotions through our vocabulary was limited. My childhood is laden with memories of Crayola crayons. It was a special gift to have your parents present you with the deluxe box, which not only featured a vast array of colors, but also the handy, built-in sharpener!

For most of us, we lose the desire to draw when we’ve become adults.

“Drawing is putting a line (a)round an idea.”Henri Matisse

At the heart of most ideas and concepts is a drawing, no matter how rudimentary it may appear. Those who work in marketing and advertising start off their ideas with storyboards because pictures help define ideas. In some ways, I don’t really care about how appealing my drawings are to others. I am more concerned about documenting and expressing a thought or emotion. Once I’ve finished a picture, I feel relieved and inspired to write.

What is it about drawing that makes me feel so much better? Perhaps, it’s quiet, focused, and meditative rhythm of the drawing process. It’s a sense of mastery, to some extent, although the drawings themselves aren’t “masterpieces.” By my standards, I have mastered a creation and a story. I suppose there is always the hope that I will one day get a chance to publish my work, though I fully understand how rigorous the guidelines are to have artwork licensed.

In an article, “DRAW YOUR STRESS OUT With a pencil & brush” by Anna Willieme, the author, artist, and lecturer points out how drawing allows us the opportunity to discover the source of our stress.

“Visual expression can help us get past our inner censor, less active in image-making than in language, and connect with parts of ourselves that may have been blocked off. Working visually, we can access our unconscious with greater ease, where we can find out more about our true selves.”

Making art is a process and that is truly the reason I ignore my sketchbook. I’d rather binge-watch “The Office” or drink a pot of coffee when I want to do nothing at all. Allowing myself to sit around and be a consumer, instead of making good use of gift bestowed upon humanity- to be creators, lends itself to further depression and anxiety. Whereas, if I was to overcome my passivity, I’d be less depressed and anxious. Furthermore, instead of worrying about creating so-called masterpieces, it is very beneficial to one’s well-being to draw something, start somewhere. In this regard, we may be able to look beneath the surface of our subconscious mind.

Think of drawing as meditation for your mind and yoga for your muscles. Once you pick up the sketchbook, you may already have an idea of what you want to draw.

Today, my mind was busy thinking about the looming work-week, traffic, bills, shopping, kids, health, and moods. I’m always guided to draw something pertaining to well-being, mental health, body image, etc. (predominantly, issues many woman mull over). I was somewhat disappointed in what I created- I really wanted to capture a broader range of thoughts and feelings, so I crammed them all in the thought bubbles. If I think about it, there are many more thoughts and worries that I could’ve included!

Sources

  1. How Art and Drawing Can Combat Stress. (2016, June 14). Retrieved from https://www.alive.com/lifestyle/draw-your-stress-out/
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How to Manage the Wave of Depression

A woman covered in a blanket sits by the ocean in the morning.

A tidal wave- the perfect metaphor for depression. My life seemed like a simple and joyful day at the beach, with no worries. Suddenly, I’m overtaken by this wave of depression, sweeping over me, tossing my feelings around as I clutch to some vague sense of security. Security in what? I try to grab for what I know will calm me in such tempestuous times- spirituality. Yes, at least now when the tidal wave sweeps over me, I can grasp for spirituality.

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I turn my radio stations in between 3 different Christian channels. A renown pastor was preaching on Moody Broadcasting. Air1, the alternative Christian music network, resonated with me as a listener spoke about her personal struggles. On WFHM, I listened to MercyMe and cried as I finished my drive home from Walmart on my day off work. The boss finally gave me a day off after working so many weekends. It was supposed to be so joyful. I went shopping at 7:00 am, right after I dropped my kids off at school. The store was quiet and I was able to shop with relative ease and peace. I spent way more money than I had budgeted!

Signs of Depression

I should’ve seen my depression developing. I was irritable and short with my family last night. After being cooped up every day, listening to my kids chew LOUDLY- the cracking and popping sounds emanating from the bowels of their braces and jaws, I just howled, “Stop!”

For the past week, I’ve felt as though life could never be dismal. My thoughts and ideas swirled around my head- I have felt inspired. Now, I feel devoid of anything.

If only I had been attuned to my emotions better, I could’ve taken better care. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much money at Walmart today.

  • Feelings of hopelessness, as though, no matter what you do, nothing will change or improve.
  • Loss of interest in activities or hobbies that once brought joy.
  • Weight/appetite changes. An increase or decrease of 5% of your body weight in a month is significant.
  • Sleeping too little or too much, or waking up too early, or oversleeping.
  • Irritable and Angry. Your fuse is much shorter, people tend to get on your nerves easily.
  • Self-hate- feeling guilty, worthless, overly-critical of self.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling sluggish, or slow. Tasks take longer to complete.
  • Recklessness- Engaging in risky or dangerous activities or behaviors or abusing drugs or alcohol.
  • Unable to concentrate.
  • Frequent physical pains in the muscles, stomach, or headaches.

Risks For Depression

Unfortunately, many people who suffer from depression or bipolar disorder, have fewer emotional, social and financial reserves. Many people who suffer from mental illness have fragmented social and family ties. As a result of their mental illness, they may be alienated from friends and family. Many of these people may come from an abusive family or have been affected by alcoholism. Certain factors increase your risk of depression.

  • No social support (family and friends, or other support systems)
  • Isolation, lack of mobility.
  • Unemployment or underemployment (not living up to full potential, not being recognized at work).
  • Relationship problems/marital issues.
  • Poverty, crushing debt, not enough money to live comfortably, unable to meet needs.
  • Early experiences with trauma, childhood abuse.
  • Health problems.

Interestingly, this week I’ve experienced several episodes of anxiety. From nearly passing out at work, to the agony of managing my workload, I also recall feeling diminished and invisible at work. It seems everything else is expected to take a backseat to my job. The moments I get to spend with my family seem fleeting, and at times, my aspirations to be a successful writer/illustrator and entrepreneur, seem hopeless. Last week, however, my dreams were soaring. I tried to imagine being successful and getting another job.

Road Rage

Today, I felt an uncomfortable surge of anger when I was driving to Walmart. The car tailgating me rushed over into the next lane when the road changes to two lanes. It had been raining out, my tire treads are choppy (only $500-$600 to get all new tires). When the light turned green, I floored it to prevent the other driver from getting in front of me. The “slippery conditions” icon was activated on my dashboard, yet I persisted. I could see the other driver turned right just after passing through the intersection.

Feelings of apathy, flatness, are dominant when I’m depressed. My body feels aching, my mind is becoming drained. It will soon become that time when I can do nothing more than “reflect”.

On a positive note, my supervisor informed me that he understood my issues because he experiences anxiety too. When I asked him how he manages, he told me he takes Lexapro. He had to stop using Paxil because it made him feel like a zombie.

I think I tried Lexapro when I was in my thirties. I had to stop taking it because I couldn’t afford it. The doctors offered me the generic alternative, Celexa, which upset my stomach. The Lexapro seemed to work okay back then. I didn’t take it long enough to note anything else.

SSRI’s are not effective in treating bipolar depression. I found this out when I went to my doctor in 2017. She prescribed Lamictal, which is used for both bipolar disorder and seizures. The dosing schedule she gave me seemed unusual. I didn’t want to take any more medications, and I failed to follow-up.

I feel drained at the end of the day. It’s after 5:00 pm by the time I remember to call to make appointments. I hate talking to receptionists. So many times, I’ve been talked to in a condescending manner.

I don’t always know when my depression is going to manifest. Who could know, especially when your mind is busy or clouded by other thoughts? Although I feel hopeless, I want to keep fighting. Every battle scar has a story, and every story has an ending. I know I can rewrite it if I make the effort.

References:

  1.  (https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-symptoms-and-warning-signs.htm/).
  2. (https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/bipolar-disorder-anxiety-often-follows-mania).

Spiritual Healing for Depression

Disconnect And Depression

The solitude and a spiritual connection are the most important steps to understanding and conquering depression. Some of the circumstances can’t be changed, but a renewal in our minds is necessary to overcome depression.

Have You Ever Wanted To Cry But Don’t Know Why?

Every weekend I welcome the notion of not having to attend to work. Although work can be very satisfying, it often brings about many stressful elements. Some jobs, such as industrial or manufacturing environments are intrinsically more susceptible to stressors; high production quotas, working in extreme heat, and louder noise levels, are typical in many factories and warehouses. Tension among employees and low morale create negative feelings. Many workers return home not feeling fulfilled, but rather, overwhelmed or undervalued.

It is during the weekend that I have time to reflect on the occurrences of the previous week. When I find myself feeling depressed, or worse, I feel like crying but I’m unsure where my feelings of depression are rooted, I can’t help but consider the obvious causes. Five out of seven of my days are spent in a flurry of activity, errands and other demands. My busyness may have been masking my depression. Working and having an active life is not necessarily unhealthy. It is unhealthy to use aspects of a busy lifestyle (i.e, being consumed by your workload, using shopping and errands) to distract or soothe our emotions. The effects of busyness and distraction can be similar to how an addict uses drugs to escape from reality or negative emotions.

Isolation

When we feel unsupported at our jobs, we may turn to our family and friends for guidance and encouragement. However, we may not always have a strong network of social support (see The 7 Elements of Wellness). In some instances, our social mobility may be affected by our familial or marital status- that is, if you are divorced or a single parent, you are more likely to experience feelings of isolation. Those living with fewer social ties are 2 to 3 times more likely to become depressed. Having a strong support system of healthy relationships can insulate individuals from feeling overwhelmed when faced with challenging circumstances.

As a divorced or single person, you may feel the world seems to favor couples. After experiencing the break up in the family, you may no longer have access to extended family members. Your family and even your children may blame you for the breakdown in relationships. This is more likely to occur when they are feeling the effects of social isolation, or they may see the world as favoring families that aren’t divorced or headed by a single parent. It is very important to instill a sense of self-worth in your children so that they may be equipped to recognize the reality of divorce- there will be fewer resources, but nevertheless, such realities are conquered by many people each day. By conveying the idea that a strong family is comprised of quality relationships, children can be better equipped to overcome feelings of isolation, in school and at home.

It is especially complicated to meet the emotional needs of your children when your own feelings of isolation are profound. I have accepted the fact that we will be excluded from the benefits of an undisrupted family- in fact, I consider the value of not having to attend to stressful relationships. It is best to spend quality time with my children, and not dwell on what has been lost (although acknowledging grief and loss are healthy elements of healing).

In my quest to understand my feelings of disconnect and depression, my efforts are applied to searching for the emotional aspects of depression; while I realize the many components that contribute to depression, I must give greater attention to those things that which affect me the greatest. For individuals who suffer from bipolar or other mood disorders, emotions play a significant role in one’s well being.

Spiritual Disconnect?

Our social ties are a significant aspect of our overall well being, but what is more important is our spiritual connection. By spending time alone, or engaged in religious or worship activities, we can become more attuned and connected to our purpose in the world.

One of the first things I realize when I have solitude is that I have not renewed my mind. In fact, my process towards renewal may have begun yesterday, when I have had a strong desire to clear out unused things in our home. By being engaged with this process of “clearing out” the, I was letting go of the ideas and concepts attached to these things. Initially, I was displeased that I was, once again, purging things to soothe my anxiety. Solitude has given me the gift of insight to see that I am on the path to renewal- a push many of us subconsciously resist.

The emotional overload we experience in life can cause confusion and agitation. Agitation means the state of anxiety, but it also means “stirring” or “disrupting” something. You may need to be more attentive to your spiritual connection and free yourself from worldly distractions. Excessive worries and fears can hinder our relationship with not only others but also our relationship with God. Our Enemy wants us to live in fear and to be too distracted to pray and give thanks.

When I understand that I am being oppressed by fear and worry, I recall James 4:7, which states “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”– New International Version (NIV).

Unresolved Grief

The loss of a spouse due to divorce isn’t the same as how someone feels when they’ve lost a spouse due to death. Divorce is often sought because of a betrayal, perhaps physical or spiritual, as often is the case when adultery is involved. Sometimes divorce is the result of emotional betrayal or abandonment in favor of alcohol or drugs. The reckless disregard that accompanies adultery, abandonment, or abuse, leaves a profound impression upon the soul. It is difficult to move on if these feelings are suppressed. The marital relationship was created to promote spirituality, health, and happiness. When we lack this sort of relationship, it is easy to fall prey to feelings of low self-worth.

To overcome grief and depression, it is important to ensure the following:

  • Eat vitamin-rich, unprocessed foods when possible. Drink water to cleanse toxins in your body.
  • Enjoy solitude so that you are better equipped to enjoy time with your family.
  • Spend time in nature! Not only does sunshine provide vitamin D that can improve our mood, but being in nature will help you reconnect spiritually.
  • Acknowledge negative feelings through the appropriate outlets. If you don’t have a trusted friend, spend time in prayer. You can also release negative feelings through art, writing, and music as well.

References:

  1. https://www.wakeupcloud.com/overcome-spiritual-depression/
  2. https://www.christianhelpfordepression.org/depression-is-it-a-spirit/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoP3K28TV3AIVGI3ICh0nJAlKEAMYASAAEgKii_D_BwE
  3. http://www.theworldcounts.com/life/potentials/social-connections-and-happiness

Simple Ways to Survive a Negative Workplace

When you are feeling no longer feel motivated or you simply feel burned-out, it is best to find the root cause of your feelings before making any major life changes. A common mistake is attributing the sum total of your negative feelings on one broad problem, such as a bad job, or having no money. While both of these things do not elicit feelings of joy or contentment, resilient people are able to deal with such challenges with a hearty attitude.

If being in a bad job, or being broke, is not the root cause- or there are layers of an underlying cause, it may be more difficult to overcome negative feelings simply by getting a different job or working more hours to bring in more money. In fact, if your current job is not recognizing your efforts, why would you want to work more hours to bring in more money- only to continue a never-ending cycle of “live to work, work to live!”

Your Job Isn’t So Bad That You Can’t Overcome Some Obstacles.

You may be unable to change some aspects of your job, but maybe you can change one important component to your experience each day- and remind yourself that life doesn’t cease to exist when you punch the clock, you may be better equipped to recognize what is in your control and what is beyond your control.

Ways To Ease The Challenges of A Negative Environment

  • Read about the type of people that inspire you, instead of only taking in the negative people that surround you.
  • Make a note of it. Keep a notebook handy to write down what is making you angry or sad. It’s not convenient to do this when your manager is breathing down your neck about quotas, but take a moment to write it down the minute you are alone. Talk to a trusted friend to help process your emotions. If you have nobody that understands or shows empathy towards your problem, you need to find your “tribe.” In the meantime, writing it down may help you process your emotions.
  • Determine what it is about the problem. Hopefully, you have discovered at least one root cause of the problem. Sometimes you can get a sense of control or power by determining the problem(s). Taking action to improve elements of the problem are the next logical step.

What You Can Control About The Negative Environment

Some jobs naturally place people in stressful or negative environments. You may explore your personality (www.gladeo.org) discover if you are suited for a particular line of work. It may be you may don’t thrive in a conservative, office job if you are meant to be designing or building something. You can cope better at your job if you have other hobbies or projects that satisfy your need for intrinsic motivation.

When I took the personality test, I learned that I was a “creator”. Jobs for creative types include graphic design, editing, advertising, and writing. Consequently, I don’t use any these skills at my current job, but I have, on occasion, contributed to small projects that satisfy these skills at my company. I created a company newsletter and contributed with some of my peers to engage and motivate employees, via a “safety committee”. I was initially not interested in a health and safety committee because I didn’t realize the creative force within the activity. I was able to work in a team (not unlike how advertising executives work in teams) and I was able to write content and format a newsletter. Employers and managers appreciate the time and effort I invested to boost morale and engage employees in the company culture and values.

The Purpose of Keeping Notes Is To Help You Become (More) Self-Aware.

Being aware of yourself helps you get a grip on the things you can control!. Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, it is helpful to know where you’re going and where you have been. For instance, if my co-worker catches an error, I may not necessarily be distraught over the error so much as the way in which he/she made me feel stupid. My issue would be “respect” and I would be able to handle the disciplinary action of my error. It may be that when you feel bombarded with negative feelings, you don’t know where to focus your anger.

Venting talking to a trusted friend should help peel away the many layers behind the anger. A good friend may be able to help you gain insight, other times, many of us aren’t so lucky. Being an introvert and a writer, I find that writing about my anger and sadness is a natural way to process the situation. Some people prefer to play sports with a group to shed some of the stress, while others work on puzzles or building something.

If your work doesn’t suit your personality, you must find other ways in which you can explore your talents. If you already have a job that allows you to use your talents, and you are not being recognized, perhaps you can ask to take on a small project that will allow you to shine (or at least give you some extra money for your hobbies). Check out Mantelligence for great money-making hobbies!

If you aren’t afforded the opportunity to have a job suited for your personality and there is zero potential to use any of your talents, it’s not time to change yourself, it is time to move on in your career or company.