“Negative thoughts stick around because we believe them, not because we want them or choose them.” -Andrew J. Bernstein
Imperfections And Negative Self-Talk
My problem is not that I have these flaws, but rather, my dilemma is that I am always finding something “flawed” about myself. Why do flaws have to have a negative connotation? Is it because I envy what somebody else has in appearance, talents, or popularity? My problem is not them- the problem is in the sinful, negative thought pattern of envy. The bitterness takes root and grows uncontrollably, like some weeds in my yard. I carefully weed the yard, but I neglect my mind and emotions.
My mind connects me to everything- my family, friends, co-workers. It connects me to how I think about myself. Imperfections, physical, mental, or otherwise, are most certainly problems at times. Having positive thoughts help me get past those issues to focus on other important things in life. Negative thoughts about myself or others will only magnify meaningless, temporal things. It keeps me away from God and others.
How To Reframe Negative Thoughts
Negative thoughts never generate a positive outcome. While it is important to be self-aware, it’s more important to not dwell on our imperfections. When you enter an art museum to see the vast display of work, you wouldn’t just hang around in one spot? You would probably acknowledge certain attributes, then move on to the next piece, knowing that you want to make the best use of your time. To stand around and disparage some of the artwork would be insulting to their creator.
Be Strong and Question The Status Quo
So easy to say when I am a grown woman. I know it is much more difficult for younger people to not think about their flaws. Parents, family, friends, in a perfect world, should help “buffer” some of the negative messages offered in popular culture. Often, it is the very people looked upon for acceptance that let us down and we are “unprotected” from hurtful, negative messages. When I say “messages”, I am referring to a broad term that represents advertising, social media, peers, school, and work. Messages from popular culture that push us into accepting a photoshopped version of how we should look, dress, act, and think. A culture that essentially shuns independent thinkers. Independent thinkers may or may not look ideal, but they are not consumed by appearances alone.
Find Your Place in The World & Be Content
When you can accept how you were made, you will pick better friends. You will not hurt all the time because you are trying to be something you are not meant to be. Be content, you have a future ahead.
Have you ever known somebody who is self-loathing? I lived much of my life not caring too much about myself. As a result, I did many foolish things. Foolishness never filled a void, it merely distracted me. I guess everyone is entitled to make mistakes. If I hadn’t hated myself for so many years, I might have achieved more, but I also have time now to fulfill my dreams.
It’s Never Too Late To Dream!
In fact, it’s probably better to start working on your dreams once you’ve been exposed to the realities of life, family, and work. College degrees can help you make more money, but no amount of education can provide you with wisdom and insight that are learned through mistakes and real-world experience.
Chasing after your dreams once you’ve been an adult for some time is ideal for people that were not guided and disciplined properly in life. Perhaps life events prevented you from realizing your full potential. The extra benefit to gaining real-life experience before chasing your dreams is this: you remain well-grounded and have desirable characteristics that make people want to see you succeed.
Give your dreams the attention they deserve! Start taking them seriously. Devise an attention plan to achieve your dreams.
If obstacles feel insurmountable, it simply means you have to work harder. If you feel you’re not moving ahead fast enough, perhaps you have to devote some more energy into understanding and managing your obstacles before proceeding. It’s is not a license to give up!